Overthinkingness.

It's ironic and pathetic at the same time to have known and seen different faces and phases of love, that now I'm unable to recognise which of them was true or fake, reality or a delusion, bad or good, right or wrong....
I got so lost in those faces, phases, colours and designs of love, that all the memories and theories of it started feeling like a dream, all unreal.
And I realised that  we spend all of our lives discovering, differentiating between, inventing intriguing concepts about the lie and truth, hate and love and everything else which has ever marked it's presence in this universe so much, that we knowingly or unknowingly get entangled in that journey...
A journey where at the end of our destiny and destination stands the Angel of Death, humbly smiling, ready to kiss and embrace us into oblivion like no one else....
Maybe that's love.
Unconditional love.

Him & I

Why does it bother me? Each time her face flashes in front of me, I am all overwhelmed. But why? She was there for him, when I wasn't. She took care of him, when I didn't. She loved him, when I coilcoul even love myself.
Am I jealous?
No, I'm not.
Am I insecure?
Maybe.
But that isn't the core of this entangling, overwhelming emotion.
Maybe it's the possessiveness. Maybe it's the feeling that I own him and only I can be there for him, no one else.
Is this feeling right?
No, it isn't.
I don't own him. I don't own anyone. Even if I do own anything in this universe, it's just myself.
And I have to own it.
I will.
I will let him go.

Let go..

Both loved each other.
Both got seperated from each other.
Both couldn't let go off each other.
But both must have been founded by peaceful humans,
who loved them Unconditionally.
Both must have relied upon those humans to help themselves let go off each other,
And thought, one day both will,
And one day both did.

Insomnia

You're just too afraid to sleep every night,
Too afraid to close your eyes
Too afraid to embrace and sink into the darkness's arms
Too afraid to face the tiny ray of next day's sunshine
Still you switch off the lights
Still you reckon the night's monsters
Still you leave the door just quite open
Still you just breathe enough, eyes closed
To face all the rays of next day's sunshine.

Accusations.

Today I was accused of having a questionable and doubtful character by one of my female friends and her boyfriend. And all because I travel at night out of town because I have to go long distance for my NGO works or other professional works or just to meet my loved ones, because I have a lot of guy friends, because i chose to date ( some jerks), because I am frank and straightforward, beacuse I stand up for what I think is being going wrong and above all because I am a woman. I should be tamed, polite(just coz M a woman), soft-spoken, listen to what your male friends, colleagues or any man/woman of this society tells you to do. I shouldn't be back answering them or anyone because I am a woman. Women are not meant to be like this. And if any woman is like that then she is of questionable character, she is polluting the mind of others too. She's a slut, a prostitute, a cunning person. I did cry at first because it really hurt me for blaming me for the things I haven't done. But I later realised that I should feel sad and pity for them. I should be compassionate to them for having such a mindset. How frustrated they might be from their own hypocrisy. And I also realised that I don't need to care, no matter if am called a slut or a prostitute because they are human beings too (with some emotional and other problems). As long as I don't become less humane to others, I need not care what they say. I do want to smile at them though... And wait for Karma to get back to them. For their good.

unknown title

This is my story. I have to write it. I want to write it.  If I don’t write it, I’ll get more confused. It might be my intuitions speaking but yeah, they say out loud in my ears that my life would automatically straighten up a bit, once I start writing it. More than half of the time my intuitions prove to be wrong; maybe its more like expectations than intuitions. I hope it doesn’t fail me, this time. Again.

M a going to be adult travelling in a train to Kerala with a big fucked up life. When I say fucked up, it doesn’t really mean that it is fucked up, because m too privileged to understand what really fucked up means. But again in my perspective its more than fucked up. I am the arrogant, ignorant, irresponsible….. my mom just called me asking that whether I took a picture of mine which was stuck in the altar, and she was upset coz I took it without asking her. I travelling was somewhere in the black hole of her head. Maybe.  And there goes my phone on flight mode. So that there is peace; which is almost a non- existent thing in a average person’s life, non- existent at least for me for time being.

A transgender just crossed by. Actually she looked beautiful with all those golden strands of Hair shining amongst the dull brown ones, and beautiful peach pajamas. Sometimes I think that we humans have constricted the gender roles and their identity in HE and SHE soooo much  that I don’t know what to call her. She looked more feminine so I prefer calling her her. But again who am I to decide what chareteristics define the feminity or masculinity of a human being? Its again the conventions set by the society, followed by the society.

So then I watched flash series. I slept I guess. Next day I didn’t feel like writing, I don’t know why. Neither did I have much charge on my laptop and my phone. As soon as I woke up I went to the charging point and had to stand there for like one and a half hours to get 57% of charge. I read the kite runner. Meanwhile some mallu guys tried hitting on me. Some random kids passed by and as usual I showed my funny face to make them smile. Again some transgenders passed by. And when they saw me reading intensely sitting in the corner, they smiled and waved at me. Felt good. Again I don’t know why. I started reading the “and then there were none”. I slept a lot. I ate a lot. I Drank a lot. But Thought a little.

#EQUALITY#

When a girl exposes her body, she is wrong!
She is wrong because she showed her body to tempt others,
She is wrong because she aroused sexual desires in the opposite sex,
She is wrong because, the things which should be covered, should remain covered!
But when a guy exposes his body, he is alright!
He is right because he can show his body,
He is right because he didn't arouse any sexual desires in the opposite sex,
He is right because he has nothing to keep covered!
Then let me ask, what are the two brown dots on his chest?? Isn't that vulgar if that's what you were saying earlier?
He can show his bare chest because he was feeling so, but she can't show her chest if she feels so because she tempts others with the most sacred part of her body which nurtures the bodies of these dirty minded people in their infancy who grow up to think that the same sacred part of her body is offensive. We are not offended when religious texts refer to sex, nakedness... But uttering a word about it is considered sinful.. Which epitome of Hypocrisy do we have to reach??No Matter if  its the girl or the boy who walks naked down the street, she or he is not to be touched, molested or raped! Because they are humans too, so are we!
Who are you to judge him/her right or wrong.. if a sight makes you uncomfortable.. You need to find solutions for that.. rather than just blaming the other person.
Choosing to remaining ignorant is sinful, not the exposing of the body. Remember..